Homesick

As you may have noticed, I took a hiatus from blogging for the past month, for the sole reason that I had no idea of what to write. I wasn’t inspired by the past month’s events, or even very hopeful for the next 30 days. If I’m being totally honest, I’ve been feeling pretty blue since the middle of November.

The end of December is two months since we moved here. Things have been somewhere in the middle of good and bad. We’ve made new friends and grown closer with old ones. We’ve discovered beautiful places that surround us and have felt the warm sun all throughout December. We’ve found part-time work, however unsteady and poor-paying it may be. Basically, we’ve been trying to make things work.

But we’ve also spent a lot of our savings – necessarily, of course, but still it’s difficult to see a year’s hard work and dedication dwindle down. What’s good: We found an apartment, subscribed to internet service, bought some furniture on Craigslist and went on grocery store runs to fill up our fridge and cupboards. What’s not so good: we have yet to find any promising job leads, which is pretty much the main reason we moved here in the first place. We’ve had at least 10 interviews between the two of us that have yielded nothing. And I’ve started to feel incredibly homesick and a little bit stifled and lost in a big city.

For months, I’ve been mentally and emotionally preparing myself for the holidays in Los Angeles, away from home. I knew I would feel a mix of emotions because Christmas has always been a really meaningful time for me, and to spend it in an unfamiliar place, in a city that barely gets cold enough for it to snow, would be weird. And it was.

Holidays aside, the problem is I don’t feel much of a connection to this place. I don’t feel grounded or stable and it feels like I’m on an endless, strange vacation, more than ready to go back home and resume my normal life. In the past few years, I’ve realized that I have very strong attachments to places, mainly because they are scenes where my memories are played over and over again, memories I’ve made with the people I love. No doubt, we’ve made some great memories out here so far and I am with my love, Austin, and our friends who I love dearly. But if I left this place tomorrow, I doubt I’d feel much attachment to it afterwards.

Austin and I have been riding the waves of each other’s disappointment, frustration, anxiety and fear, picking the other back up from mind-eating negative thoughts and moving forward. It’s all we can do for now. We are putting ourselves out there, working hard to get interviews, and searching for that sliver of an opportunity that puts us where we both need to be. For now, the road is certainly rocky, but it’s my sincere hope that it will smooth out up ahead.

K

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Categories: Hollywood | Tags: , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Homesick

  1. Pauline

    Oh honey…this breaks my heart. But I think for the 1st time you and Austin have found out what we who love and support you have known….it aint easy. This is your dream, follow it. It’s hard no doubt, but sometimes you just have to kiss a couple of frogs. In the long road of life, 2 months isn’t really that long. Hang in there….you two are “make it happen” people, and you’re in a strange place and unfortunately aren’t in a position to make it happen fast enough….this has been your dream for so long and now you’ve hit a bump in the road…it’s just a detour… This is a tough time of year, you’ve celebrated your bday, Christmas and now AK’s bday is coming up…all w/out family, friends and traditions that you’ve grown up w/… but you know what…, they’re just days on the calendar, they’ll come again next year …And if it makes you feel any better it hasn’t been cold enough for snow here either…At this writing it’s 45…at it’s not yet 7:00 a.m…But have faith, things will turn around…and have patience. Not something either of you are know for…. :). We all love you, and are very proud that you’ve even taken this 1st step..I love you both so much and that love will not change no matter where you are…we can’t touch or see each other as much as we have over this past year….but just because you’re not here, that will never change. So know in your hearts that $$ is not what’s important and that you are with each other and don’t ever lose your humor. And remember perseverance will be rewarded, right will prevail. (GLS Sr)
    love always…p

  2. Kyla

    I’m sorry this post made you sad 😦 Although I was sad when I wrote it, it was actually very therapeutic for me to write and send off into the blogosphere. I needed to write to get through all of the emotions I was feeling and try to make some sense of the negativity I was experiencing. But things have already started to turn around, and I feel much lighter, and brighter, this week than I have since we’ve been here. I readily admit that I let my impatience get the best of me quite often, and this time is no different, except that the circumstances are more intense. I know neither of us are going to give in or give up, and it’s only a matter of time until we find what we came out here looking for. 🙂 Thank you again for all the love sent our way. We send some right back!

  3. Hey sweet Kyla. We met at your Mum’s place in CT. I live in LA and work with John-Roger, Jsu Garcia and MSIA.

    I’m Aussie and had a tough time transitioning to LA but I hung in there and it all came together in the end. Have faith honey and hang in there.

    I’m in Australia right now actually, but back in LA around January 10th. Would love to catch up then and see if there are ways and contacts I might have to help you guys.

    Facebook me: http://facebook.com/zoegolightly

    Sending you much love and Light
    xooxox
    Zoe

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